I know that all of you have had that unfortunate experience of looking in a mirror and seeing something you might not like. It isn't just me right? For example, I now avoid looking at my reflection in car windows at all cost especially when I am in bright sunlight. You see, the last time I accidentally looked at my reflection in direct sun light, I saw wrinkles on may face where I didn't even know people could get wrinkles. I tried to tell myself that the light was refracting into distorted wave lengths that made the wrinkles appear when they weren't even there. It sounds impressive doesn't it? Well, there really is no such excuse and I have just come to the conclusion that not looking is the best way to deal with it.
However, what I saw the other day couldn't be ignored. I saw a glimpse of myself through my daughter. This past year in school my daughter was harassed, bullied, thrown into drama with two other girls; however you want to label it, it was painful for all of us. I'm not ready to write about the entire experience yet, but I will do that in the next few months as God teaches me more. For the time being, I just want to share with you this one lesson.
Being the experienced, wise, perceptive mother that I am... OK, I am those things (honest) but I learned that I'm not always those things. Here's what happened. I decided that what my daughter needed most was to have a female role model demonstrate how to deal with people when they offend you. She just needs to know how to speak to someone if she isn't treated justly. Of course that female role model was me!!! I began praying for opportunities to show my daughter how to stand up to other people. I can teach her how to act successfully in life- right! Do I even need to tell you that I was wrong?
I know you can't imagine this, but sometime when people do strange things, I have a few comments to make about their behavior. I have a hard time overlooking offenses. I like to talk about how shocked I am about what other people just did to me. This weekend I had a chance to see my daughter repeat things that I had said and saw how bad it sounded. At that moment my world came crashing down, my ears began to ring, I thought I would pass out. OK, it wasn't that bad but I was embarrassed to know THAT is what I taught her. I have come to realize that even though I believe in grace I need to show it more. Whew, I'm glad this paragraph is over- it was tough to write.
After I saw myself mirrored in my daughter, I vowed not to make anymore comments when someone did something offensive to me. Yeah right! The next morning we were eating a buffet breakfast and I had just turned to my daughter as we were standing in line and asked her if she wanted a sweet roll. A lady in her 60's cut ahead of my daughter, grabbed the tongs, and yelled "well I was going to take the last two sweet rolls but fine I guess you can have one". She then proceeded to throw the tongs onto the plate bouncing them once in the process. Now at that time I was remembering the vow I had made to keep my mouth shut. Well, who am I kidding? I write a weekly blog, do you really think I could refrain from comments? Of course not. I did however try to put a more positive spin on my comments. Instead of being offended, I talked to my daughter about how silly that grandmother looked throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. Do you know what? We both had a chuckle.
My insurance agent has a quote at the bottom of her emails: "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." I really do believe that, but sometimes I forget. For now, I am just trying to remember that people are always strange AND people always need love. Showing grace is a better thing for me to teach my daughter than trying to give her words in dealing with an offensive person. I learned that I need to choose to be offended by something worth it. I need to be offended when God is not respected. I need to show grace when someone just acts human. The Bible tells us that a man who looks in the mirror and forgets what he sees is a fool. Hopefully the next time I catch a glimpse of myself mirrored in my daughter, I will like what I see better than what I saw this time.
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