Today I confessed my sin to a friend (and now to you).

I'm sorry to disappoint you but I don't have a major, juicy sin to confess. I just had one of those everyday, mom moments. Of course it had to do with my four year old BOY (do I need to say more?). OK, I guess I do need to tell you more. On Monday I just couldn't get my son moving to leave for preschool. It was one of those days that he found every reason to not get dressed. You know those kinds of days. He put his underwear on his head; he hid under the couch; he tired to make the cat fly; he tried to fly himself; and finally, he did the naked hiney dance for me (this was really not pretty- do yourself a favor and don't try to picture it). After some very stern words, he did manage to put on his clothes but that wasn't the end of his procrastination. We had shoes yet to go. My son thought it would be a good idea to have me put his shoes on while he was doing a headstand. Yeah, not such a good idea. Let me tell you that putting his shoes on upside down and backwards with only ONE cup of coffee in me wasn't going to happen. I felt like I was back in school taking the SAT's again. I flashed back to those math problems and froze. If you have one shoe pointed in the wrong direction and the feet are opposite of what you are used to, then which shoe goes on which foot? You can clearly see my problem with the shoes- right? (Just agree with me, it will make me feel better). Finally we were ready to go and I took a quick peek at my email- oops. I had received an unexpected email that, quite frankly, made me angry. It was too much and when we got in the car and he was again procrastinating, I yelled at my son. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't seem to stop. I quickly apologized but he still had tears on his face. I can really relate to Paul when he wrote in the Bible about doing the things that he didn't want to do and not following through the way he wanted. Do I need to tell you I felt terrible? Well this morning, a friend told me she had done the exact same thing to her four year old son who wouldn't get in the car and she felt terrible. I just want to grab her and tell her that it was OK. I knew how bad she felt. I hope I gave her some encouragement in telling her I messed up to; I certainly received some encouragement knowing that I wasn't the only one to loose my temper with my son. God has told us to confess our sins to others. I wondered this morning if one reason for that was to give others encouragement. It can give you courage to try and be better next time when you know you aren't the only one struggling. It is so easy to be discouraged when you see all of the wrong things you do. It is nice to know you aren't alone. I want to thank my friend today for being transparent with me. If she hadn't shared her story with me, I would probably still be feeling guilty for my actions. When you know that someone you respect also struggles with sin, it helps to put things in perspective. I know that next time I will take a breath before yelling at my son. I may still sin and yell when he doesn't deserve it, but I will not give up in my attempt to please God. Can you be transparent with anyone today? Can you give someone encouragement? Let them know that you have been there but you know next time they will do better. On behalf of all tired parents, please share your story- God may just be wanting to use your mis-step to help someone else today.

Today I think my son saw a ghost.

Today something very strange happened. My son took a nap. OK, while my son doesn't take too many naps anymore, the fact that he took a nap is not the strange event. It is what happened while he took a nap. You see, I was thoroughly enjoying myself, drinking a cup of coffee, really soaking in the fact that the house was quiet and I wasn't working (yes, all of those things happening at once is strange- but that still isn't the strange part I want to tell you about). My son had a stuffy nose so I wasn't surprised when he started making noises in his sleep. He still likes to suck his thumb and becomes very grouchy (like an angry Incredible Hulk grouchy) when he can't suck his thumb because he has to breath with his mouth open. We have been woken up many nights with a terrible scream to attest to this frustration. These screams start with a tiny squeak and then slowly grow louder, soon becoming a deafening roar that must wake the neighbors too. I waited for these noises to disturb MY quiet time and grow to the piercing screech I was so used to hearing. The noises did grow but they soon became a laugh. The laugh went on to become an actual cackle. What??? I knew he was asleep because I had just looked in on him, so I couldn't understand what was going on in his room. I checked the usual suspects: two dogs downstairs (check), cat with me (check), guinea pigs still in their cage (thank goodness-check), water frog still swimming (check). These outburst continued for about another 10 minutes; I finally couldn't stand the suspense anymore and decided to risk waking him. I had to find out what was making him laugh so hard. I walked in his room and saw him looking in his open closet with a very satisfied smile on his face. He was intently watching his closet- that didn't make sense! I slowly walked around the closet door and looked inside to find... nothing. He was just staring at it, clearly captivated by something. He doesn't have a TV in his room, so what was it? Let me tell you this was very strange and made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He was certainly watching something! My first thought was night terrors, but he wasn't upset. What is going on? If it wasn't a night terror was it a nap hysterical (OK, I've not actually heard of such a thing but I did come up with a pretty good name for it don't you think)? When I called his name he tried to stand up and fell flat on his face. I called his name again and he fell flat on his face- again. He was obviously still asleep. Finally, he seemed to recognize me and then had a look of panic on his face. Believe me, it was a look that any parent would recognize. I simply asked him if he had to go to the bathroom and he nodded yes. Then he just stood there. Even though it seemed self-evident to me, I decided to prompt him with "well, then you had better go". He slowly woke up as he went into the bathroom. When he once again could focus his eyes on me, I asked him if he knew what he was laughing at and he said "no". I then asked him if he knew that he was laughing and he said "no". He then picked up a blanket off the floor and went back to bed. I really have no idea what he saw in his closet and realize it probably was not a ghost masquerading as a stand up comedian; I'm assuming he was dreaming. However, whatever it was made him happy. This strange episode caused me to remember my friend, Tilla Willomen, who took me under her care in college. She was about 80 years old when I knew her and she had had a lifetime to fall in love with the Lord. She once told me that she saw real, live angles in the clouds one day. At the time I dismissed the idea, but now I realize that it was not for me to judge. Life is truly hard and it is sometime difficult to believe that God really does care about the everyday problems. Let's be honest, we have all become cynical about the fact that God will show Himself to us. Let me share something with you. I have a friend who lives 700 miles away but inevitably whenever I cry out to God (literally in tears) that I need a friend she will call within hours. No one can convince me that God didn't hear my prayer and He gave her the urge to call me. I wonder how many other things God has done to show His love to me just today that I dismissed as a coincidence. I want all of you to know that I am saying this with PASSION: God cares about even the little things in your life. God will act and prove to you that He loves you. I really don't know what my son saw and I'm not convinced it was an angel sent to amuse him- but you never know. What I do know is that we are to have faith like a child. I am asking that for just one day you suspend your adult cynicism and really look for God to show you how much He loves you. He will show you when you have faith. I hope you find your angel sent to make you laugh today.

Today I am dealing with the consequences of dying my own hair.

Today I am walking around with an unintentional hairdo. Yes, I will admit it- I dye my hair. I am 34 years old and have grey hair. To be honest, I have a long history of dying my hair. In high school, my best friend and I highlighted each other's hair for fun. However, when I started going grey in my mid-twenties, I knew it was time to take action and have been trying to cover the truth ever since. I started off having my hair highlighted at a salon. While I wasn't too happy about the price, I continued to go. One day I was told that I not only needed to highlight but I also needed to lowlight my hair. What? The stylist went on to explain that the highlighting was getting too light and she needed to darken my hair. Now this really didn't make a lot of sense to me. I had to first pay for her to make my hair lighter and then I had to pay for her to make my hair darker. Couldn't she just not highlight my hair as much? Let me tell you, this was a lot of money and I decided I could do it myself. Highlighting my own hair wasn't too hard but as more grey grew in, highlighting was not enough anymore. After each pregnancy, I lost handfuls of hair. As I mentioned before, that hair grew back curly- it also grew back grey!!! Isn't the unruly, curly hair difficult enough, did it also have to be grey? Well, about 4 years ago I moved to dying my hair. I have always thought of myself as blond; so I bought blond dye. I knew it didn't look quite right but I didn't think it looked that bad. I had deluded myself until I met someone for the first time and she said the dreaded word- orange. Yeah, I had been trying to convince myself that my hair wasn't really orange, but I couldn't deny it any longer. I told this person that I had attended Clemson University and she replied (yes I still remember every word) "at least you have the perfect hair for it- Clemson Orange". Oh my, there are no words to describe what I felt. I think I turned completely white (which of course, made my hair look even more orange). I knew I had to make a change. At that point, I decided to use a light brown and have been quite happy with that color. On Monday, my daughter said to me "Wow mom, I can really see your grey hair now". There was no doubt that it was time to dye again. Not a problem- I'm an old pro (LOL). The problem came when I decided to change colors and brands. Why, oh why, can't I stick with what I know? My first mistake was when I decided to go darker. I thought "if my hair normally gets darker in the winter, I should probably go with medium brown- it will certainly look more natural" (ha, ha, ha). Do I even need to tell you it did NOT look more natural? My second mistake was when I grabbed a color that was permanent. I had decided a few years ago to stick with the color that washed out after 28 shampoos because it was less risky, but apparently I had forgotten this. I wish I could tell you that my son was with me and was distracting me when I bought it, but then I would be lying. I was by myself and have no excuse for my bad judgement. Before I used the color I did take note of it being permanent but ignored that little voice that said "be careful". My third mistake was leaving the color on for just a little bit too long. The box said to rinse the color after 10 minutes but leave on for 15 minutes for resistant grey. It did actually warn not to leave it on too long or the color would be too "intense". Well, I figured I am a smart, logical woman. After all, who could reason better- a box or me? Let me tell you- the box won. I stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror with a shudder. My hair was black. Yes, it was black. My son told me that I should not buy that stuff again. My daughter just looked at me and tried really hard to say something nice- she came up with nothing. The best thing my husband could say was "it doesn't really look bad". I have tried washing my hair several times since and it can now be called very dark brown. I have seen the looks of shock. I have heard the tactful (but insincere) comments. But I know, it was a mistake. I try to walk with my head held high and know this too shall pass. While the results of trying something different with my hair was not successful, sometimes it is a good thing to try something different. My daughter is studying fairness this month at church. This week the devotions have been about accepting someone who is different than you and treating them fairly. I started to think about someone different who I could get to know. Maybe there is a new mom in the neighborhood, maybe there is a mom you don't normally chat with at school, maybe there is a child who needs to feel some extra love, look around and find someone different today. Perhaps, there is someone different who you could try to show God's love to. It is worth the risk. After all, finding someone different to share God's love with must yield better results than finding a different hair color did this week for me.

Today I spent 40 minutes on the phone with the IRS.

Today I had to make the dreaded call to the IRS. I've needed to make this call for a while but today I finally ran out of excuses for not doing it. Let me back up and tell you why I had to call the IRS. You see, it all started four years ago when my husband went to work for himself. When he needed someone to pay bills, reconcile bank accounts, and cut paychecks he naturally thought of me. Yeah right (he once told me that I should never tutor our kids in math)! The other logical reason for thinking of me was my vast education in... Recreational Therapy ?!? I used to be your cheerful activity director keeping the senior citizens happily entertained. Does it seem strange to anyone else that I am doing his books? Truth be told, sometimes you just do what you have to do. As I was saying, today I called the IRS. I began with the obligatory automated statement "Please listen carefully as our options have changed". I then navigated my way through about 50 choices and then said "one" 50 times and then eventually gave up on that and pressed "1" 50 times. Let me tell you, I was exhausted and hadn't even spoken to a person yet. Then the automation must have gotten stuck- why else would it confirm my id number not once, not twice, but three times! I then waited for 28 minutes to some very loud classical music being interrupted every 90 seconds with "please remain on the line, calls are answered in the order they were received". Now, the fact that they needed to state this policy made me wonder if the opposite wasn't really true. Perhaps, those who owe the most money got their calls answered first (conspiracy theory- who me?). I consoled myself choosing to believe that since I had to wait so long I must be up to date on all of our payments. Finally, I got to a real live, living person- or so I thought. The guy who answered had the most monotoned voice I have ever heard. I couldn't have cast a better IRS man in a sitcom. He fulfilled every stereotype of an IRS man there ever was. He sounded just like Ben Stein (the Visine commercial guy). To be honest I wasn't sure at first if it wasn't another automated message. He actually answered "you have reached the Internal Revenue Service, my number is XXXXX, my name is Mr. XXXX." Once I determined that he was indeed a person, I just couldn't help myself. Bubbly Bev came out. I thought about asking him sarcastically if he enjoyed his job, but since I did actually need his help, I decided it would be better to keep that to myself. I threw my all into sounding chipper and upbeat. In the beginning it did not go well. As I mentioned, I don't know much about accounting and he kept throwing these words at me that I didn't understand. At one point, I blamed my accountant for not calling and begged him to help me in English. It turns out that since I am not listed as an owner, he couldn't tell me the information I needed over the phone but he slyly mentioned that he could mail it to me. Wow! He really helped me out. You know what, by the end of the conversation I think I actually heard him crack a smile. Wouldn't it be wonderful if when the world thought of Christians, they thought of people who were filled with joy? Too many times, the world sees Christians as grumpy people who like to complain. It is the joy that can ONLY come from God that will change someone. What do people see when they look at you? A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:21-23